||[Jul. 22nd, 2010|10:13 am]
I find myself getting in and out of these moods of happiness and hopelessness. Sometimes I'm in a great mood and I feel like nothing can bring me down. Other times though, I just get so low that I break down. It's about all sorts of things. The fact that everyone close to me is currently dating someone and doesn't really have time for me anymore, my weight, my fear of being alone for the rest of my life (that's a big one.)|
I haven't actually had a boyfriend since I was 18. That was three years ago. The three guys I've tried to get a relationship started with since then have all screwed me over by picking someone else after telling me how happy I make them feel and how much calmer their life is with me around. I feel like I'm always the loser. So now, I'm just afraid to be in a relationship because I don't know how to do it anymore. Great. Does anyone have 20-30 cats I can borrow?
As for my weight...I don't even want to go there. I haven't stepped on a scale in over a month, so I don't know a number. What I do know is my school jeans are tighter than they should be and I need to get back to the time when they fit a little looser. I haven't been to the beach much this summer, thankfully. Most of my friends are skinnier than me.
On the subject of skinny friends...it's a guilty pleasure, but nothing makes me happier than when I see a friend that has always been about 10-15 pounds lighter than me not fitting in her clothes. It's horrible, but it makes me feel better because I feel like I'm not the only one. Does anyone else ever feel this way about a friend?